Approaching Beltaine
There has happened
a series of small miracles
between now
… and now
For the first time in quite a long while, I have had today, the opportunity to work the land. The feeling of accomplishment is nothing, when compared to the actual connection with the universe. For a short while.
Years move on so fast, time passes and we grow older. Growing older means growing more afraid, because being an ‘adult’ is inherently connected to responsibility. In case of nature, this is not necessarily the case. Do we, however, still live with nature, or did we manage already, to shelter ourselves from it behind our concrete walls?
But see, this is within us. We cannot fight it. We are animals. We just exchanged jaws and claws for different tools. Some might say – more elaborate. I beg to differ. Claws and jaws have evolved over thousands, millions of years. We have been around for far too short to tame the whole world.
Fortunately. There is so much wonder in it. We are here now, but we will not be at some point in time. And the universe will work exactly as well as it does today.
Beltaine is, to me, the time when I ponder the concept of power, energy, rule. When the sun climbs higher and higher every day, I sometimes stop to wonder… why is it so persistent?
But then I look under my feet. I smile.
April 29, 2012 Leave a comment
Let us sit zazen
The dust settles slowly. I have trusted the sparks at the tips of my fingers, to bring me knowledge and understanding.
I have trusted the numerous symbols – I held them in high esteem. But the dust settles slowly. And the paper of the holiest books gets old and yellow, and the letters become indistinguishable from the background. So when I cast the shroud aside, when I really felt like I am turning away from my destiny, the books whispered to me again in the unknown language, but it was no longer a voice I could listen to.
The same symbols, over and over again. Different names for the same things – things that ultimately do not matter. They are useful, true, but they are merely manifestation of thought, of something deeper.
I dabbled in the manifestations. Tried to translate something deeper into experience and then into words. I evolved, but in that evolution was a flaw that would ultimately turn into my personal prison – a golden cage. There are no more words to speak, no more symbols to learn and none to draw either. The sparks are no longer there at the tips of my fingers, the spells I mumble in the dark ritual chamber could as well be white noise or not exist at all.
This practice, however, does not end. Even if the words and gestures are all used up – because they are not the essence of this practice. So at this point, the realisation came and it has become obvious, that I cannot continue this way. I have lost my aim – the angle, that made my work what it was.
I bowed, and said gently to myself:
“Let us sit zazen”
January 31, 2012 Comments Off
Back to the basics
The confusion in the recent times has overwhelmed me greatly to the point of powerlessness. Fortunately, the time of darkness is almost over. As we are approaching the most important festival (to me) of the year, I can feel the strength coming back.
It was a short year. Change did not spare me, I can feel its impact in every bone, in every cell. Looking forward to what the new one is going to bring.
For now, I just went back to the basics. To meditation. To awareness. Perhaps I pressed myself too much recently? Perhaps I wanted too much progress, to soon? Dabbled in too many subjects, and the Sense simply didn’t manage, didn’t make it? It is calm now. I listen yet again.
January 8, 2012 1 Comment
Systems magic
I was standing on a sidewalk yesterday, in the downtown of Warsaw, watching people cross the street. I was listening to some music at this time and was mentally in the Zone, somewhat trance’ish state of mind, in which every encounter with living organisms is like a game.
I was completely consumed by the scene. Living beings, walking from one sidewalk to another, like little dots in a simple simulation, moving from one stream to another. As the time passed, my fascination with this common event (in the daily history of the city) grew and grew, up to a point of a precognitive vision.
Like a character in cheap sci-fi series, I started noticing patterns. People had so much in common, they indeed seemed like simple points on a computer screen. If I was a mathematician, I would be fascinated by the mere idea of finding an equation to explain the behaviours. There would definitely be more than one.
As the vision became more and more vivid, my eyes jumped out of focus, instead of patterns, I noticed possibilities. Every human was actually, at every moment in time, a cloud of possible moves, actions he would take to cross the street. As they made their choices, specific parts of those clouds came into focus.
Where is magic in that? Well, the whole complex system, the choices made by masses of people – they influence all involved. It’s a street, so the cars are influenced as much as pedestrians.
If you can influence the mind of one person to a point of just adjusting the angle of their walk by a couple of degrees – modify slightly their cloud of possibility, you can throw the whole system off balance.
(You do not really have to do that using magic – it’s just so much more interesting if you do. Seemingly effortless at least.)
An interesting aspect here is the question of responsibility. By applying any type of behaviour changing action – you must accept the responsibility for the result of that change in the whole system.
That is why I do not really dig those moral or ethic ideas in magic.
Socio-technical systems are complex ones, so claiming that you what you do to others will come back three-fold is a terrible simplification. I believe there are no universal rules. One should have a moral backbone, but not in a form of do’s and don’t's, as they simply have no application. Just consider the possibility and accept responsibility. Simple as that.
On the subject of systems, which I am currently fascinated with, I have found a great talk by Igor Nikolic. Definitely worth watching:
December 23, 2011 Comments Off
Happy birthday Sparrowhawk’s Haven!
I kind of missed it, but still! YAY!
It’s been over a year since the beginning of this journey, and what an eventful one it was. There have been swift changes in approach, ideas, poems, rituals, fantasy and magic.
I have learned many things. I’ve met many people. I have managed to visit places I’ve never even imagined existed. There is such bliss in the world, such power and such beauty, that all attempts to describe them in words would utterly fail.
Yes, words. I struggle with them myself, every day, every second. It is inevitable, that words will be my ultimate victory, as well as the reason for my complete failure. Locked within them, are the meanings comprehensible by human mind, yet it is not the mind, that makes the greatest use of those meanings. The paradox of magical reality lies in the approach to the universe. At least in my case.
However, the paradox itself is also the source of great power to a chaos magus. I couldn’t imagine the reality without it. Why would there even be a reason for a reality like that.
I digress.
Since it’s been a year, I wanted to compare my time-space location with the same moment in the year cycle. It was completely different, at least in the intellectual and emotional part.
A change – I shall consider it development. And continue writing Sparrowhawk’s Haven. Even though the time seems more silent now.
December 19, 2011 Comments Off
All the colours
Inspired by Alexander Dray’s “Liber Obsidian Obscura”.
It’s a lot more than just a simple scrying mirror. Took four day to complete. The work included simple but effective carpentry, clay sculpting, and lots of acrylic painting. But I can say it proudly – this one is hand made.
December 6, 2011 Comments Off
Aeons of the mind
Aren’t they swift to pass?
I have been working according to very specific schedules recently. In my magickal work. It seems ridiculous to look at them now and see how bad of an idea it was. But let me go back to the beginning.
Many books, courses, etc. will require you to follow very specific instructions. It will seem like a good idea at the very beginning, a test of your dedication at the very least. I had those moments multiple times.
Every time I install a new version of Windows/Linux/Unix operating system, I feel like I have to give up something in order to use it. Be it license limitations of Windows, battery life limitations in Ubuntu, time and effort to configure Arch Linux, etc. The thing is – in here, I merely use the solutions provided by others. It is obvious I will have to agree to certain limits, I do not create my operating system from bottom up, so I cannot blame those who have created theirs to suit their needs.
Magic is similar. There is no universal idea, no paradigm that will drive us all. Finally, there are no rules to magic, no principle, no organization. Those ideas, futile attempts to describe the mechanisms of magic are all just that – descriptions. They make no magic. The same way interpretation doesn’t make a poem and criticism doesn’t make movies.
Magic is a creative art. Everyone can be an adept, some will master it. But it will always remain subjective. Not because it is not universal, but because the very act of practice makes it prone to subjectivity.
So, I have tried working according to the instructions of so called masters. I have tried keeping a magical journal. I have tried keeping a notebook for my cards and runes. I was recording my dreams. And, paradoxically, the more I did it, the less there was to report. The recent decline in my posts on the blog is a direct result of that. The act of writing was simply moving my experiences from the intuitive, hazy and chaotic part of my mind to the structured, intellectual part of my mind. The result – going downhill. And I mean in every area of my life. As if writing down the result of my magical work deprived me of it. And deprived of magic, I see very little light in the world around me.
I do not write down every ingredient of a sandwich I’ve had for breakfast. But does it make the meal less real? I do not write down every word I said during a meeting, but does it mean the meeting never took place?
That approach was not beneficial for me. From now on – magical diary is here, on this site. And only when I feel like it 
In other news
I have, began working on a couple of projects. First of them is a book. I am planning to write it before march. Around the same time, I am hoping to launch another website – one that will promote the ideas from the book and support them with additional, interactive material.
Also, I am negotiating a cooperation with a local esoteric paper – have high hopes in here, so wish me luck. If everything goes well, I might also get a permanent or semi-permanent location to do divination work for my clients! Exciting. Enough talking about it – time for action!
Blessings,
Gwydion
November 28, 2011 Comments Off
Appreciating nature… together
As you have probably noticed, the recent trip left me in a state of blissful appreciation of nature and its many faces. I have learned, that everything is a manifestation of the natural way, even the seemingly orderly, artificial ecosystems of the biggest cities in Poland would not exist, if it was not for the amazing power of spontaneous creation. Me and K have decided, that it is time to invite that power more bluntly into our household. This is why we have transformed slightly our altar.
This is the top level. It hosts numerous decorations we have gathered today in our local park (and some flowers, which we were not able to gather on our own). Levels below host our symbols of connection to spirits and ancestors, as well as numerous items of power and magical work. Nothing fancy, but still, upon completing the work we stood together, in awe.
Something remarkable has happened to us today.
It was not about cleaning up the cluttered area of spiritual work, in which Annwn and the corporeal reality blend together – at least it wasn’t only that. It wasn’t even, about engaging in spiritual work in general, which is always pleasant and beneficial. It was about something different – about doing those things together. It was about going out to a park, feeling the connection with the world around us and the amazing connection between us. It was about the belonging, but not in a political, theoretical sense. It was about the union, the blending of minds, appreciation and openness. This is something I’d felt recently, meeting my friends from kiamagic.com. This is something I feel in the company of my loved ones.
So when we were sitting there working out the layout of all the gathered leaves and sticks (mind you, all of them were collected from the ground – we broke not a single branch today), when we were putting these things together – I was simply happy, to be a part of a world that grants me such spiritual and emotional goodness.
Below is the playlist with music, that accompanied us during the process of setting up the altar. Feel free to enjoy it – I suppose it greatly enhanced the experience, putting us in a reflective mood.
November 11, 2011 Comments Off
